Words Matter

 

                                Words matter

There is nothing new in that statement. We all know that words are important. But have you considered how the words you are saying right now to yourself and others is affecting you? 

Will you spend a couple minutes with me thinking about our words?

Think about all the books you see at the bookstore about positive thinking. It must work to some degree or they wouldn’t keep selling. Right?

So what about positive speaking? That seems like the next logical step.

Don't misunderstand me. What I am NOT suggesting is that we only speak positive words instead of talking about how hard things are or how we are doing. I believe there is room for truth-telling AND positive words.

A few years ago I made a reminder poster for my boys called: “Change your words—Change your mindset.” This list included things like:

Instead of saying “This is too hard.” Say “This will take some time and effort.”

Instead of “I give up.” Say, “What (or Who) do I know that will help me figure this out?” (Sometimes the answer was Mom!😉)

Let's try this exercise with words we use vs positive words: 

 “I can’t do this anymore!” VS.  “I am strong enough to get the help I need.”

Which one makes you feel empowered and able to conquer?

How about these:

    “I am afraid of the winter blues.” VS. “What will I do to combat the winter blues?"

    “This winter will be too hard.” VS. “I am strong enough to survive this winter.”

Much of the outcome in our lives depends on how we face the circumstances we are in. 

I recently listened to a podcast by Christine Caine and this quote was powerful to me, “We need to stop believing the facts and believe the truth instead.”

What are the facts? COVID has robbed us of many things during the last several months. The winter will be dark and cold (especially for those of us in the Northern Tier!).

What is the truth about COVID? We have gotten very creative as a military community during COVID and some of the creativity has gained us practices that will continue even after COVID is over. We have made it this far and we can make it a few more months.

What is the truth about winter? We have a choice to find ways to stay connected. We are strong enough to withstand the dark and the cold with some forethought and planning.

I believe these things because I have lived them. Along with almost everyone else who PCSed this summer, our move was a train wreck. It seemed that every time I turned around, another aspect of the move fell apart. But the move was only the beginning of the issues—we lost a loved one very unexpectedly in a new place where we knew very few people and I was handed a role on base that I struggled to get my head around.

At some point, I listened to the words coming out of my mouth and realized I was only adding to my frustration.  I realized that as I spent time complaining and, let’s face it, whining, I was missing opportunities to acknowledge all the good things about the summer -- seeing our oldest son thrive as he staffed a Scout camp, watching our younger one face the adventure of a move with his puppy for the first time, exploring our new surroundings, seeing extended family, making new friends and realizing we had people who cared about us enough to help us immediately.

But the negatives were the things I spoke about to people and it showed in how I handled the move.

Is this easy? No.

Does it fix ALL the problems? Absolutely not.

But when I realized the impact my words were making on my mental state, I knew I needed to change some things. I started with the words I allowed into my heart and my head. I made a “Mom’s Hope Playlist” and played it often. I got back to reading and studying Psalms because somehow reading those Psalms of lament helped me remember I was not alone, that it was okay to feel how I felt, but that I didn’t need to stay there. I started recognizing the good that was coming out of the hard and allowed that to be part of my internal narrative. I chose to do things I didn’t feel like doing, but knew I would be happy I did—like taking long walks with our son and his dog or playing a card game when I wanted my day to be over.

I started to be more careful with the words I spoke and the words I allowed to speak into me. And it made a difference.

I am in no way suggesting it is this easy for everyone. It’s not. Sometimes the circumstances or the depression or the anxiety are too much to overcome alone. I do believe honesty is even more important than saying positive things. We need to talk honestly about how we are doing. And when you are struggling with depression or anxiety, please get the help you need!

We were never meant to be alone. So, maybe the secret is allowing someone else to speak those words of life and healing into you until you can start saying them to yourself. If you are affiliated with the military, the chaplains or MFLACs are great people to reach out to.

If this seems like an area you could improve in, here are some steps you could start taking:

- Start a gratitude journal. There is a reason these are so popular—because they work. No matter how hard things are, I do truly believe there is always something to be thankful for. Even if it is the smallest thing. Maybe it is a warm puppy snuggle. Or the smile of your child. Or the warm blankets when you don’t want to get out of bed.

- Make your own playlist of the songs that speak hope into your life.

- Find a book that speaks hope to your soul.

- Determine to tell someone in your life one good thing that happened that day for you.

- Find a friend who will compel you to do the one thing you know you need to do—get to the gym, be outside, look for help, get out of the house.

- Find someone who will ask you thought-provoking questions. Questions that make you say out loud what you are struggling with. Questions that will help you find what you need to find the good and the positive. Questions that lead you to being honest with yourself about what you need to thrive.

Remind yourself that you ARE strong enough. You are strong enough to overcome AND you are strong enough to admit when you need more help than positive words.

There is a really good chance that nothing I have said is new to you. But I hope I made you think. I hope I have helped you consider what words you are allowing to affect you and maybe even consider how to change your own internal narrative. It won’t fix everything, but I do believe it could be the catalyst to your ability to not just survive, but thrive through COVID and the long winter....or whatever else you are facing!