Roots

As a military family, how do you withstand the hurricane-force winds of our military lifestyle? The deployments and long hours and high Ops tempos? The TDYs, the loneliness and the distance from family? How do you sink your roots deep enough to not topple when the winds blow?

When we lived in Northern Virginia, we experienced some epic windstorms. Large trees would blow over, pulling the entire root system from the ground. 

This was so confusing to me, a MidWest girl who has spent her fair share of time in windy locations where the large trees do not blow over from the roots up. I couldn’t help thinking that if the trees in Virginia had just put their roots deeper, they could have withstood the high winds. So, why didn’t they?

I decided to do a little research and here is what I found on a Fairfax County, Virginia website on a conservation page titled “Understanding Tree Roots”:

“Tree roots anchor the tree in the soil, keeping it straight and stable, and absorb water from the soil. Tree roots also take nutrients and chemicals out of the soil and use them to produce what they need for the tree’s growth, development, and repair.

“Eighty percent of all roots occur in the top 12-36 inches of the soil. In sandy, well drained soils some trees such as oaks and pines develop deep roots, directly beneath the trunk. These are commonly called taproots but are actually deeper roots that help anchor the tree. Most trees never develop taproots, especially when the water table is close to the surface or when the soil is compacted.”

Did you catch that? The roots of these 3-4 story-high trees only go 1-3 feet into the ground. Now, I don’t know much about trees, but I can imagine that even 3 feet of roots under the ground will not effectively hold a large tree in place when a windstorm kicks up.

Roots are hard to come by as military families. We move so often, the roots don’t get very deep before we have to rip them up and start over, much like the trees in Virginia. But, just like trees, we NEED roots to stand tall and be stable.

So, how do we develop a root system that will withstand the wind?

We need to absorb water from the soil. Where do you get water? What place in your life do you feel satisfied, filled up, not thirsty? Is it being with friends? Is it being alone? Is it being with family? Is it working or volunteering? Is it being at church? Is it family game night or movie night?

When our sons were 4 and 1, my husband’s job kept him at work from 6 am until 11 pm and often on weekends. It was so hard to answer my 4-year-old’s questions of when he would see Daddy again because we never knew. I adore my kids, but I was getting crushed by the single-parenting and I didn’t like the mom I was becoming. I was parched. So, I pressed in to the friendships I had made with other moms with sons the same ages and I hired a sitter for a Friday afternoon every other week. Those were the wisest decisions I could have made in that desert. Find your water and do what it takes to drink deeply of it.

“Tree roots also take nutrients and chemicals out of the soil and use them to produce what they need for the tree’s growth, development, and repair.” What do you need in this season of life? Growth? Development? Repair? No matter where you are, there are resources for this. No matter what winds you are facing, there are nutrients and chemicals to be had.

If you need to see some personal growth, look for spouse trainings across the base and in your local area. The Chapel, Airmen and Family Readiness, Outdoor Rec, and other organizations offer trainings for a variety of seasons of life.

Need some personal development? Most bases have educational and career development resources for spouses. Or classes about parenting. Or arts and crafts classes. Or take an online class in a hobby you have always wanted to pursue. Find a Bible study or a small group at a church where you can feed your spiritual needs.

In need of some personal repair? This military life is no joke and the weight of it is heavy. Or maybe you came into the military life and were already carrying some baggage that has been compounded. Find your MFLAC—an on-base counselor who can walk with you and help relieve the pressure. Or talk to a Chaplain. Or get referred to an off-base counselor. Or seek out a pastor in the community. Or maybe it is simpler than all that and what you need is a good friend’s listening ear.

I have personally needed all of these at one stage of life or another—growth, development and repair. Due to my faith, I most often seek out the nutrients and chemicals I need at the local church we have plugged in to. This has looked different at different stages of life for me. Sometimes I have led a Bible study because I wanted to grow as a leader. Sometimes I have attended one because I needed the gift of repair it offered me. Always, I have surrounded myself with friends who will listen. I have also found that I require a variety of friends—those who are peers on this military journey and don’t require a lot of back-story, civilian friends who just know me as my sons’ mom instead of the wife of my active-duty husband, and friends who are just my friends because of who I am and not because of my kids or my husband.

What do you need to do to develop taproots, the roots that will keep you standing straight and stable as you face the windstorms of life? Too often we don’t grow our roots deep because we know our time somewhere is temporary. We fear the pain of pulling them up once again to start over in a new location. And let’s not kid ourselves, it is painful! But if we choose to keep our roots shallow in each location, we can’t stand straight and we won’t be stable. So, take a risk, dig deep, soak in all there is where you are currently living because when you move again, you will start with stronger roots, you will be able to engage sooner and deeper because you will have learned the value of strong, deep roots.